It has been difficult to keep up with the blog because I've been kind of discouraged these past few weeks. Today was a good day though so I thought it would be a good day to post.
My wonderful friend Kelly has been giving me lots of encouragement as I pour my stress on to her. I seem to have to keep coming up with new strategies for Jeremy and I'm hoping today's effort will be it. Last week I tried to do each subject for 45 minutes with a total of 4 time periods to equal our 3 hours. That worked well on Wednesday half way thru Thursday. Friday, not so much. After talking to Kelly, today we tried to do 20 minute increments including piano/recorder, art, a 5-minute break and a walk around the block. We were done by 12:30. And....he was happy.
Last Friday, I was ready to deposit him into the middle of his classroom by 10:00am. All weekend I've been thinking that he'll be going back to school. He still may but I'm just thankful to know that we have the ability to work together. I don't want our relationship to break because we're trying to do something good and effective for his learning.
I have no idea what will transpire for next year. I just know that today was a good day and maybe Christ will come back before then so why worry? : ) I love my kids and want nothing but good for them. Abby has the world at her fingertips. I have to remind myself to praise her because 99% of everything she does is awesome but we expect her to be awesome because of how consisitent she is. We just forget to praise her because we're almost numb to how amazing she is. She is so talented in writing, art and music and now she's really excelling in running and I have to remember to pat that one on the back. We praise Jeremy for the least little thing that he does well because we are constantly looking for something to praise him for. That has to be confusing, if not irritating, for Abby.
It's hard being a mom. It's hard to call the shots and be in charge of the lives of children who will one day be adults knowing that they will remember certain details about their upbringing that will shape how they will view themselves and the world. I can easily drive myself crazy with that kind of outlook/pressure. There are so many things I need to thank my mom and dad individually for. Things I didn't understand when I was a kid. Unaware of the sacrifices they were making for me to be the person I am now. I don't think we understand until we are making sacrifices for our own children.
I didn't really understand love until I had Abby and again with Jeremy. The minute I held her, I got it. I totally understood earthly love. I understood be willing to die for someone else. I can't imagine God's love for me because I would never be able to sacrifice my child for anyone else. Especially filthy, vile people like us. But I did understand what it meant to give yourself and sacrifce your life for someone else. I went from selfish and probably spoiled to a caretaker of my God-sent gifts. What a pleasure that is.
I know my kids will never understand our sacrifices for them until they have their own children. It's an enlightning experience. When people question my willingness to homeschool Jeremy at this time, I have to internalize my feelings knowing that they don't understand why. Some people homeschool for religious reasons, some academic, some for family time. I'm homeschooling just to give my kid a chance. I want him to have every opportunity everyone else will have. Praying he will have some confidence in himself and continue to gain new skills.
I can say today, we did the right thing. I just hate that we'll have to make the decision again!
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